What is positive parenting?

Nov 13, 2021
4 min read

Updated: Nov 21, 2021

🌱the sprout theory🌱 is a positive parenting, play based, toddler activities company - so let's break this down ... what is positive parenting?

Positive parenting is a parenting method. It's one of many ways to navigate parenthood. Parenting is hard! The age old saying, "Why doesn't this kid come with a manual from the hospital?!" is a great question. It's our job as parents to do the research - find the tools and strategies that work for our family. For me, that all comes down to brain science.

The way we act, react, communicate and interact with our children shapes their brain.

We've all been there right!? Your toddler throws their body on the floor in Target refusing to move, your 6 year old protests and claims they're going to school today naked, the orange cup is too orange, the bath is too wet and my brother won't stop looking at me!

There comes a point in our journey through parenthood where we ourselves want to throw our body on the floor in Target, refuse to move or get dressed for the day and protest, but our adult brains reminds us that we are here to support our children emotionally and physically. The way we react to these situations, the way we speak to our children and the way we remain steadfast leaders for them shapes future interactions and brain connectivity.

How does it work? We acknowledge. Positive parenting is an awareness of our children. We become more aware by observing and acknowledging. We learn not to jump to conclusions or dish out consequences. We simply acknowledge - acknowledge the feelings (as big as they can be, as unrealistic and irrational as they may seem) because all feelings are real and welcome and then we set boundaries. Children are constantly learning and the learning occurs through our connections with them. Consequences can create immediate compliance, but acknowledgment, awareness and connections can create lifelong relationships. Through positive parenting we guide our children in making connections with their left and right brain. We acknowledge the right sided, emotional and impulsive brain, while building strong synapses (connections) with the left sided and more logical brain.

Let's put it into action

1. Acknowledge the emotion or problem behavior

2. Say something positive

3. Be patient

4. Give a choice - set a boundary

5. Connect (later!)

The bathtub is too wet and your toddler is having a full blown 0-60 tantrum about it ... you could yell at them, tell them to stop complaining and get in the bath because it's bath time and we have to take a bath or you could turn that into this:

The bath is too wet for you.
Thank you for telling me. I always want you to tell me how you feel.
(wait ... literally count in your head to 20, see what happens, does your child need a hug? Have a suggestion of their own to fix the problem? Do they get in the bath anyway?)
You can sit on the rug for a few minutes if you need time or I can help you into the bathtub and we can splash together.
After the storm has calmed (maybe before bed, maybe the next day while eating lunch) make those brain connections! "Remember last night, when we were getting into the bath and you told me it was too wet? You were having such big feelings about that! I really appreciate you telling me how you were feeling. What do you think we could do next time?" Allow your child space to reflect and strategize for the next time this happens or offer suggestions yourself if they struggle to come up with them on their own.

Ok, one more scenario ... one of your children is building a tower of blocks, in walks the younger and knocks it over. WHAP! Down goes the tower and in swoops the left hook punch. WW3? Nope just another day in the average household with multiple children! You could yell, place blame and shame, put the older child in a "time-out" or you could do a "time-in" together.

Oh, you didn't want Brooks to knock over your tower.
You were working so hard on that!
(wait ... count again and trust your child - see what happens in those 20 seconds)
It's ok to feel frustrated or angry, but it is never ok to hit. How can we repair this with Brooks? (wait again)
Build those brain connections! “You were super frustrated when Brooks knocked your tower down earlier. It’s hard sometimes having you get brothers who are still learning to respect your hard work and space, huh? I am sure that will happen again at home or maybe even at school with your friends. It's ok to be angry, upset or frustrated, but it's never ok to hit. What do you think you could do next time that happens?" Listen to your child or offer suggestions "You could tell them how that made you feel and ask them not to do it again. You could ask them to help you rebuild it. Let's practice that!" Role play!

This week's challenge

Give yourself grace! Parenting is hard and if you are thinking this sounds like a strategy that could help you thrive today, try it out! The challenge is to take a deep breath, remain calm and acknowledge. Turn what could be a situation with you yelling, into a connection with your child that brings you closer together. Have a specific situation you want more support with or guidance on what to say? Leave me a comment below or message me directly on Instagram or Facebook! Let's do this together🤍

Here are some of my favorite books to ground you as you explore this topic.